


Family Game Nite

by Sylph_of_Breath



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Minor reference to childhood abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23054317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylph_of_Breath/pseuds/Sylph_of_Breath
Summary: Having recently beaten Sburb and settled into their new universe, the Strilondes now have a chance to really get to know each other. What better way than to have a family game night?
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Family Game Nite

Your name is Roxy Lalonde. You are 17 years old, and have just recently concluded a **PRETTY EPIC GAME SESH** with your friends. The highlights of this game included defeating an evil alien troll batterwitch, avenging all of humankind 2 x universe combo, healing time and space itself, and best of all, getting to meet all your bffsies _and_ some rad new friends, including your alt-mom/ecto-daughter and ecto-son! All in all, life is _pretty good_ at the moment!

The only problem, well, you hate to even call it a problem, really, it's a… _learning curve?_ Yeah! It's a **GROWTH OPPORTUNITY** presented by your new and unfamiliar circumstances! Your **GROWTH OPPORTUNITY** is that you literally have never met another human being in person until a little over a year ago. Also, the first several months of interacting irl with other humans was spent in the game, with missions and dangers and _high stakes_ lurking around every corner. So like, not a ton of time to focus on settling down and learning how to behave in society. But since you beat the game and entered your new world, that's...literally all there is to do. You, Roxy Lalonde, _live in a society._

_What will you do?_

tipsyGnostalgic  [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe  [GG]

TG: jaaaaaaaane   
TG: jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!   
TG: janejanejanejnajenajenenan!   
GG: Roxy OMG calm down! What's the matter?   
TG: lol, nothins the mattr janey im just boooooooored! what r u up to today? wanna hang? pls?   
GG: I'm sorry, Roxy, I can't today, I'm at John's house.  
TG: omg rlly? wats goin on at johns? can I come? i would totes luv to hang with u and john!  
GG: Well, I'm sorry Roxy, this is awkward, we're actually having a family game night…  
TG: janey. jane! UR HAVIN A WHAT?  
GG: I know it sounds silly, but Jade had this idea that the four of us, Jake, Jade, John, and myself should spend some time getting to know each other, since we're all related after all! And it's actually been really fun! Jake is surprisingly good at charades, probably because he's seen so many movies, hoo hoo hoo!  
TG: janey. r u tellin me this isnt even ur 1st time doin this? HOW LING HAVE U BEEN DOIN THEBGAME NITES JANEY AND Y DIDNT U TELL ME ABOUT THIS TOTES ADORBS TIME UVE BEEN HAVIN???  
GG: I'm sorry, Roxy! It's really not that big of a deal, so I just didn't mention it because I didn't want you to feel left out!  
TG: janey, dont even worry bout it omg! i think its soooooo cute that u and jake r bondin with ur kids! u no what, im yoinkin ur idea, were gonna have r own family game nite! we strilondes got hella bondin 2 do 2! :D  
GG: I don't know, Roxy, do you really think Dirk would agree to something like that?  
TG: um, he fuckin BETTER if he nos whats good 4 him! haha, jk, he will if i ask him 2! and im sure hell wanna spend more time with rose and dave 2 and get 2 no them! itll be great!  
GG: Well, OK, Roxy, if you say so!  
TG: hell. fuckin. YEAH I DO! :D  
TG: g2g janey i gotta text evryone now! WHERE DOING IT MAN. WHERE MAKING THIS HAPEN! :D:DD

It’s just over a day later, and you are feeling very pleased with yourself as you look across the room to see Dirk, Rose, and Dave all in a row on your couch. Callie was more than happy to go out for the evening to let the four of you have this very important time together, _uwu_!

“OK guys, so, _welcome_ to the _first of many_ Strilonde family game nites!”  
“I’m sorry, _Strilonde_?”  
“YES, Dirk, that is our _official_ joint family name that I have decided on as the _official_ matriarch of this family, and I will not be taking any criticism at this time so please get used to it! _As I was sayin_ , thank you all for comin! This is gonna be. So, so, _sooooo_ fun!”

Was that a _look_ just now between Rose and Dave? Hard to tell with Dave’s shades. You decide to ignore it and continue…

“So, I thought that since the whole point of this, apart from havin a super rad awesome fun time, is to get to know each other, we should pair up with the person we know the least about, so the teams are gonna be me and Dave and Rose and Dirk! Now we just need team names!”

“I call ‘Team Rose and Dirk,’” Dirk ejects, barely before you stop speaking. He’s not even looking up from his phone.  
“Seconded,” adds Rose, with her usual sly smirk.  
“Um, OK, that’s...fine if that’s what you both want. Kinda borin but whatevs! Dave, you got any ideas?”  
“How about ‘Team Awesome,’” he suggests with a completely straight face. Is he being ironic? You actually don't even care.  
“HELLS. YES! 'Team Awesome' is gonna kick 'Team Rose and Dirk’s' asses all the way to the furthest ring and back! Let’s DO THIS!”

“Yo mom, fuck, I mean Roxy, shit, sorry.” Dave blushes under his shades. “Uh, before we start, what kinda snacks we got for this? I can't do my best gaming on an empty stomach...”  
“Snacks? Oh, haha! Fuck, I guess I was so excited about figurin out games to play I didn’t even think about snacks, lol! Ummm… I guess I can check the kitchen, but it’s probably mostly just mostly raw meat and candy, Callie’s the one who does most of the shopping...and cooking...um…”  
“I already ordered a pizza.” Dirk is still not looking up from his phone when he speaks.  
“Did you get cheesey bread?”  
“Obviously.”  
“What about…”  
“Greek salad. Yep. And cinnamon sticks. And orange soda.”  
“Great! Lol, guess we’re all set on snacks then!” You are definitely grateful for Dirk’s foresight, as always, but you can’t help but feel the sting of the 0/1 on the good hostess scoresheet that you alone are keeping for yourself in your head. Just move on, there’s plenty left to get right tonight!

“OK, so the first game we are gonna play is called two truths and a lie- I found it on the internets and it said it’s the best game for when you’re tryin to get to know people! So all you gotta do is come up with three things about yourself to tell your partner but two are true and one is a lie and then they have to guess! Dave, you go first!”  
“Shit, OK, uhhh… alright got it. One of my toes is fucked up cause I broke it falling down the stairs as a kid and never got it fixed. Uh, I never left my home city til I went to space. And, uhh, I never tried broccoli til this year.”  
“Ummm, is it the toe thing?”  
“What? Oh wait, shit, I forgot, sorry, those are all true. Hold on…”

You notice that Dirk has shifted his posture slightly. His face is still in his phone, but you can tell he’s uncomfortable. It suddenly dawns on you that a game about sharing your wacky childhood traumas with the people whose alternate selves were responsible for said traumas, all in an attempt to make friends, was maybe not your most brilliant idea. That's 0/2 on the scoresheet now...

“Actually, it’s OK, Dave, lol, this game is dumb. Let’s just move on to the next one! Uhhh, Pitcionary! Everybody write some stuff on these slips and put ‘em in the hat!”

OK, that was definitely a look between Rose and Dave that time. Are they really having such a horrible time? You’ve barely played one game yet, of course they’re not having fun now but that doesn’ mean they won’t still have a ton of fun later! Just relax! _You gots this!_

The doorbell rings. Hooray! Pizza will cheer everyone up!

...It sort of does, maybe? Well, everyone honestly seems to just be relieved to be eating, rather than actually enjoying themselves. The conversation is...minimal. You guess that's OK, though! Now at least no one will be hungry, so once you actually get started with the games everyone will be having a blast for sure!

"Kk, now that we had our pizza let's get to Pictionin! Uhhhh, Dirk! You're up!"

Dirk looks just the tiniest bit annoyed as he plops down his phone on the couch and takes a slip from the hat. He takes the marker from the table, gets up exasperatedly, and heads over to the easel.  
"K! Readyyyyyyyyy...DRAW!" You flip the little hourglass, and Dirk starts drawing. What the hell he's drawing, you have no fucking idea. Good thing you're not on his team!

"Um, a bird? A...hawk? Eagle? Two eagles? Two...crows? Three crows. Three...ravens?" Rose is actually starting to look a bit angry as she continues to shout out guesses to no avail. "Three birds! Three little birds? It's literally just three birds! How in the fuck is it not three birds!"

You watch as the last of the sand slips through to the bottom of the hourglass. "Aaaaaaaand...TIME! Point goes to Team Awesome! Woooooo! What was it Dirk?"

"Platonic Ideal."

Now Rose looks downright pissed. "Who the fuck wrote down "Platonic Ideal" for pictionary?"  
Dirk seems genuinely surprised and slightly hurt by the question. "I did. I don't know how much clearer I could have drawn it- the bird was seeing himself in the mirror, a flawed reflection of an imperfect example of a bird, while thinking about the perfect concept of Bird- the best bird is in the thought bubble-see? Platonic Ideal…"  
"I do know what a Platonic Ideal is, Dirk, I have read a book. It's just that I believe pictionary clues are generally more along the lines of "cat" or "balloon" rather than an intangible philosophical concept."  
"That's not in the rules though…"

This still doesn't seem to be going how you had hoped. That's 0/3. You update your internal scorecard.  
Think, Roxy! Charades? No, that's basically another version of pictionary, and you don't want Dirk to hurt somebody or himself trying to act out The Trolley Problem. Um...Celebrity? Except half of you grew up in different universes and different centuries where half the celebrities were actually agents of intergalactic fascism, so that might stir some shit up...What about… ummm…

You suddenly notice that Dirk and Rose have stopped arguing and all three of them are just looking at you. Your face feels hot.

"I'm...I'm sorry guys, this was a bad idea. I dunno why I thought I could just force you all to play some stupid internet games and we'd just be like some sorta normal 20th century, Pre-Condesce, happy TV family, lol! It's cool, you guys can go. Thanks for comin though and tryin, it was really nice of you…"

You get up and start feigning cleaning up to try to hide your disappointment and shame. You guess Jane was right, Family Game Nite is just not for Strilondes. You're all just too...damaged.

"Uh, Roxy? Do you wanna play some Tony Hawk?" you hear Dave ask.

You turn around. Nobody has moved- they don't seem to be leaving.  
"I think I still got my bro's old Xbox in my sylladex somewhere, just gotta unload some shitty swords real quick, hold on..."

You look at Dave, then over to Dirk and Rose, who both give little nods of approval.  
"Dave. Hells. Fuckin. Yes! I most definitely wanna play some Tony Hawk!"

"So, how do the controls work?" you ask Dave when he's finally gotten it set up. "I never played an Xbox, I just had Nintendos."  
"Fuck if I know. Just wait til you're in the air and then push as many buttons as fast as you can to do tricks. Try not to eat shit on the landing. That's about it."  
"Lol! OK how's this? Oh FUCK! What do I do if I get stuck in a wall?"  
"Roxy, that's the whole fucking point of the game."

Dirk and Rose have made their way into the kitchen. You occasionally hear a snippet of conversation over the off-brand cock rock soundtrack the game, "Kantian blah blah blah...True, but as John Locke said, blah blah...Lovecraft, blah…" Seems pretty boring to you, but they sound like they're having fun!

Several hours go by and it's finally time to call it a night. You're walking your guests to the door when Dave says something you were not expecting. "Yo, next one's at my place, I'll make Karkat cook- he's surprisingly good at it as long as you do not under any circumstances ask him what it is you're eating…"  
"You… you actually wanna do this again?" you ask.  
Rose answers, "Of course we do. We do still have quite a lot of catching up to do after 16 years of not knowing each other…"  
"Just, please, for the love of God, no more party games. Can we just hang out like fucking adults?" Dirk adds.  
"Yeah, seriously…"  
"Please…"  
"LOL! OK! I got it! No more Family Game Nite! Just... hangin out! Sounds perfect!" And you actually mean that.

As you close the door, you update your mental scoresheet one last time- 1/who the fuck cares. You won!


End file.
